Monday, July 7, 2008

The Yellow Wall Paper

Only in America can a hospital look like a luxury hotel but then for the price they charged me I could have a luxury suite with full food service! I had a miscarriage. I wasn't even aware I was pregnant! How stupid can you be? I did gain a little weight but I thought by tummy problems were due to the heat for because of an auto - accident I had when I was 19 I was told I could never have children. I was on the pill to regulate my cycles but this year my doctor took me off it saying the hormones could cause cancer. So after my yoga class I thought I started my cycle was was bleeding real hard. I had to change my Tampon and pad every half hour. I was taken to the hospital and I was told I was having a miscarriage! Now I have Post Pardon Depression. I thought you had to have a baby to get Post Pardon Depression but my doctors say due to the hormones changes in my body this is not rare. I had no idea how intense depression can be. I don't weep I just curl up in a ball and want to die. Now I understand what that poor woman went through in the short story "The Yellow Wall Paper" where she goes completely mad! If you haven't read it check it out it's by Charlotte Perkins Gilman. In her days such matters were unknown.
Posted by Picasa

13 comments:

Sacred Suzie said...

Oh I am so sorry. What a horrible and distressing thing to go through. Depression is powerful, just know that it is a cycle that you can get through and survive. Let the process wash over you and rest. Sending you lots of healing light.

Princess in Galoshes said...

Oh my lord, that must have been overwhelming to find out you were pregnant and then also losing it. I'm so, so sorry. Do you have family there with you? Know you've got lots of love and support coming from your bloggie friends, o.k.???

EmilyLady said...

My jaw almost dropped when I read about the miscarriage. It's just so amazing.

I hardly know what to say because it's always difficult to convey sorrow through the Internet. I really am sorry for the hurt you feel.

I hope things get better for you very soon and please keep us posted on your progress!

Good luck,

~Emily

Carnal Zen said...

Been there. Very there. That doesn't help but I'm sending healing thoughts your way (mostly for your heart)

Bohemian Single Mom said...

Oh my gosh! I am so sorry you went through this. It must have been such a shock.
It's true though, you can easily get post partem after this experience. A pregnancy is a pregnancy and miscarrying only contributed to your hormones crashing. I know, because I had one years ago.
Be gentle with yourself and allow your body and spirit to heal.

And...I LOVE "The Yellow Wallpaper". It's one of my all time favourite short stories.

Take good care.
xo

Yoga Gal said...

Thanks for the kind words all. Feeling rather weepy today - told it's a good sign - at least I'm feeling something. Still feel as if I've been disembowel but going to venture outside and get some exercise tomorrow. Can't do much but a short walk but I'm not taking any medication and I've read the best thing for depression is exercise. Can't do much yoga but I can walk a little and I'm reading to keep my mind of doom & gloom. Started reading "War & Peace" that should keep me busy! Thanks for the kind words! Right- now going to brew a pot of green tea.

ariandalen said...

I am so sorry. Just know that you can work through this. I suffered two miscarriages myself, before I carried to term and gave birth to two beautiful daughters. I know that I felt like everyone could tell by looking at me that I had miscarried, but they really couldn't.

If you need an ear, just email me through my (non)blog.
{{{hug}}}

Aggie said...

I'm so sorry to hear what you have been through. I hope you were not alone and unsupported. The shock on top of a shock will take some getting over. Take real good care of yourself and be kind on yourself. There is always some light at the end of the tunnel and its a matter of gritting your teeth and walking on through until you reach it. One step at a time.

spacedlaw said...

Good thing you went to the hospital! You could have bled to death...

Don't let the postpartum get you. Whack it on the head and tell it to be gone. You have enough problems already.

minijonb said...

holy cow. that story is crazy! glad to hear you're on the road to recovery. just take it slowly the next few days!

Cat said...

So sorry to hear that, I know after my miscarriage (I didn't know I was pregnant either) my hormone swings were crazy and didn't die down for a while.
Best wishes.

L***

Hammer said...

Sorry I'm checking in late. I hope you get to feeling better soon.

Ash said...

Oh my gosh - I am so sorry to hear what you've been through.

Know that we all love you. Take care of yourself. Sending lots of love and healing vibes your way.