Electra sings the Blues

I rarely speak. let alone write, about my journey through mourning over my mother's death, for this is a nation, where our mantra is, "Move on with your life". It has been almost two years since my mother's death and I still feel a little numb with life, let alone moving on. Not that I just stay at home watching Reality TV all day. I been doing that great job search;and thanks to this Great Recession, I have been given more frustration and road blocks in my journey through mourning. Ironically, the years of being my mother's care-giver, I felt empowered and in control of my life. Now,I feel my life is being blown like a leaf in a hurricane. But, I realize I am not alone in this Titanic Recession and there is not enough life-boats of jobs to save a sinking crew. So,I still count my blessings and keep in touch with the outside world. But there are days, weeks, I want to entomb myself like Electra and forget the outside world. So, to venture out from the comfort of my humble home, I get on the 605 freeway to the 210 to Vroman's Bookstore in Pasadena and sit in on an author event. Most of the writers are very interesting. But I just can't help but wonder, how many of these writer's published works will still be read in future years? I think of the great, passionate, American, writer John Dos Passos and who still reads him? A few weeks ago, I was one of only five poeple who attended a writer's event at Vromnan's. I bought his book, out of pity, not out of an interest in reading his book. He was a middle-age, English/Pakistanian man, who wrote a book about being a Muslim man after 911. He boasted about all the book events he attended and seemed more interested in telling us how "you too can be a published writer", than giving any insight into his life. It was shameless self-promotion. When I asked him if he was interested in writing a novel , he said he didn't have the skill to write characters or plot. "Well" I thought,"you may be a writer but you are no author!". But he has a literary agent! The times we live in! Then, I thought, who will be reading this person's book in 20 years; or even next year? Still, this event turned on that little light blub in my head, if this man can made his dream of being a published writer come true; what is keeping me from following my dream? We may be in a Recession, but to take a quote from the Great Depreession from FDR:'There is nothing to fear but fear itself!"