Yesterday, while cleaning out one of my book sacks, I ran into a very old journal I kept while I was a was a naive college student. Reading it was painful! I was still in college, holding my first "real" job, for the company Amtrak. It was an ideal job for a college student for my hours were 3:30 p.m - 11:30 p.m. , Sunday-Mondays off; these hours allowed me to take morning and afternoon classes. The job however was mind numbing, the dead end for anyone of ambition or with a head full of active brain cells! I was an Information and Reservation Agent, handling non-stop incoming calls from the American public. And believe me, once you have worked with the public, you understand why there are so many bad government leaders. For an example, I would answer a call and state my usual; "Amtrak Reservations and Informant" and I would get an inquiry;"Do you go to Chicago?" "Yes", I would answer,"Where would you be departing from?" And without missing a beat: I would get the answer;"My home." And these people are allowed to vote? It was a frustrating job and many of my co-workers were either pot-smokers or boozers or both. Every shift I worked on there was a group that would go to the parking-lot on break to smoke pot, they used a lot of eye drops. I did get an education in recreational drugs and the power of office gossip. But the greatest lesson I learned was the fact that, no matter what, never get romantically involve with a co-worker. He was a tall nice looking young man, who was a pot-head, as while as a coke head. He is now in upper management with the company. The company paid for his wife (who also worked at Amtrak) to go to rehab, for drug abuse is no reason for Amtrak to terminate an employee; only in America! I have no axe to grind with the company or the young man, who broke my heart. The thing that was painful to read was the fact that I was so broken hearted in the first place. While reading my weepy journal entries, I wanted to shout at the writer;"Girl; get a life!" I was lucky, that the young man, was wiser than I was, to see we had little in common(one being I wasn't a pot-head or coke head or any other drug of choice in that era) and told me, to take a hike I also felt blessed that I wasn't working for Amtrak. Not that there is anything wrong with the company, they provide a great service, it's just that working for such a major company, I felt like, I was on the road to no where. Not that I had a brilliant career but I love the fact that my resume has so many past job skills and a variety of work experience. I feel in each job held, I grew as a person, I certainly learned different computer programs and skills, Oddly enough, it was a blessing being: "Let go" from Amtrak. I was advised, to get a lawyer and get my job back but why would I want to? There was no great career opportunities open for me and my real goal was to get my B.F.A. and due to the fact that my shifts kept changing, it would have taken me years to finish my college education. There was a strange feeling of comfort reading that journal, for even though I was going through so much heartache and pain, things worked out better than that young college girl could imagine. And going through such frustration helped me become a woman.as well as an artist. Thank you my ex-love and Amtrak for leading me to s different track!
About me? Reminds me of that question one gets on a job interview or a first date -"So tell me about yourself?" Sends chills down my spine. What am I to say? I am wonderful & brillant- now hire me , love me - buy me dinner buy me a drink. I like to see myself as my favorite image, the dancing Shiva. That's me, a dancing Shiva dancing within the circle of cosmic fire the energy of life , birth & distruction with the instruments of creation, music and weapons of war in my hands while balancing one foot in the air and one foot pressing down on ignorance. Life is just a balancing act after all.