Best laid schemes o'mice an men

Yesterday, while cleaning out one of my book sacks, I ran into a very old journal I kept while I was a was a naive college student. Reading it was painful! I was still in college, holding my first "real" job, for the company Amtrak.  It was an ideal job for a college student for my hours were 3:30 p.m - 11:30 p.m. , Sunday-Mondays off; these hours allowed me to take morning and afternoon classes. The job however was mind numbing, the dead end for anyone of ambition or with a head full of active brain cells! I was an Information and Reservation Agent, handling non-stop incoming calls from the American public. And believe me, once you have worked with the public, you understand why there are so many bad government leaders.  For  an example, I would answer a call and state  my usual; "Amtrak Reservations and Informant" and I would get an inquiry;"Do you go to Chicago?" "Yes", I would answer,"Where would you be departing from?" And without missing a beat: I would get the answer;"My home." And these people are allowed to vote? It was a frustrating job and many of my co-workers were either pot-smokers or boozers or both. Every shift I worked on there was a group that would go to the parking-lot on break to smoke pot, they used a lot of eye drops. I did get an education in recreational drugs and the power of office gossip. But the greatest lesson I learned was the fact that, no matter what, never get romantically involve with a co-worker. He was a tall nice looking young man, who was a pot-head, as while as a coke head. He is now in upper management with the company.  The company paid for his wife (who also worked at Amtrak) to go to rehab, for drug abuse is no reason for Amtrak to terminate an employee;  only in America! I have no axe to grind with the company or the young man, who broke my heart.  The thing that was painful to read was the fact that I was so broken hearted in the first place. While reading my weepy journal entries, I wanted to shout at the  writer;"Girl; get a life!" I was lucky, that the young man, was wiser than I was, to see we had little in common(one being I wasn't a pot-head or coke head or any other drug of choice in that era) and told me, to take a hike I also felt blessed that I wasn't working for Amtrak. Not that there is anything wrong with the company, they provide a great service, it's just that working for such a major company, I felt like, I was on the road to no where. Not that I had a brilliant career but I love the fact that my resume has so many past job skills and a variety of work experience.  I feel in each job held, I grew as a person, I certainly learned different computer programs and skills,  Oddly enough, it was a blessing being: "Let go" from Amtrak. I was advised, to get a lawyer and get my job back but why would I want to? There was no great career opportunities open for me and my real goal was to get my B.F.A.  and due to the fact that my shifts kept changing, it would have taken me years to finish my college education.  There was a strange feeling of comfort reading that journal, for even though I was going through so much heartache and pain, things worked out better than that young college girl could  imagine. And going through such frustration helped me become a woman.as well as an artist. Thank you my ex-love and Amtrak for  leading me to s different track!

Requiem for a Cosmo Girl

 Monday, the 13th of August, the woman who created the Cosmo Girl, Helen Gurley Brown passed away. I wasn't broken hearted over her passing, She lived a long, productive and successful life, well into her 90s, preaching to women the hedonistic pleasures of the flesh. I found her magazine a bit silly and repetitive; I mean really, now many times can one read about sexual techniques to drive your man wild in bed?  Still, I must give the woman correct for reinventing a magazine and becoming a publishing powerhouse in an era when men dominated  the publishing world!  

Her song wasn't a new one, women have been exploring sexual pleasure for pleasure sake since the Roman Empress Messalina shock the Roman Empire.  But she gave a voice to women who were exploring their sexual freedom during an era that gave them the Pill, allowing women to have sex without the fear of pregnancy,  enjoy sex outside marriage and not only experience sex for the pursuit of pleasure but also to use sex, as Cleopatra did, to gain control and power.

I grew up in an era where my friends, as well as myself , were exploring our own sexuality. But one thing freedom of exploration doesn't protect you from and that is getting hurt. Being wounded in body and soul.  In a Time article. the writer stated that Cosmopolitan magazine helped young women in,"a quest for romantic happiness". Really?  What is "romantic" about an article telling women, how to give "mind blowing" fellatio?

I'm sorry to say, that these days, when men think they can have sex with a woman after  he simply"Likes" her on Facebook, romance has very little to do with it!  

Even during my own days on the Love Front, romantic love rarely entered my life.

Can't blame Ms. Brown for this era of love dysfunction, she just gave it a voice.

I fought the Law

I feel like I just won a "Get out of jail free" card! Today the traffic cop who issued me a ticket didn't show up! Case dismissed and I walk free! As a matter of fact, a lot of the the Traffic Police didn't show up this afternoon. Some stated that these Peace Officers don't like to show up, late on a Friday afternoon. My officer was a very attractive and a young man; so I had a gut feeling he may have better plans than to show up to court on a Friday afternoon, leaving him free to enjoy a long weekend. It was a bogus charge, which is why I decided to fight my ticket. But I learned once, long ago, when I went to Traffic School, is the first thing you do, is remain calm when you get your ticket, don't say a word, then when you get your notice, asked for an extension! Then hope the Peace Officer doesn't show up! It worked for me! Drive safely and keep your eyes pealed for the Man!

Electra sings the Blues

I rarely speak. let alone write, about my journey through mourning over my mother's death, for this is a nation, where our mantra is, "Move on with your life". It has been almost two years since my mother's death and I still feel a little numb with life, let alone moving on. Not that I just stay at home watching Reality TV all day. I been doing that great job search;and thanks to this Great Recession, I have been given more frustration and road blocks in my journey through mourning. Ironically, the years of being my mother's care-giver, I felt empowered and in control of my life. Now,I feel my life is being blown like a leaf in a hurricane. But, I realize I am not alone in this Titanic Recession and there is not enough life-boats of jobs to save a sinking crew. So,I still count my blessings and keep in touch with the outside world. But there are days, weeks, I want to entomb myself like Electra and forget the outside world. So, to venture out from the comfort of my humble home, I get on the 605 freeway to the 210 to Vroman's Bookstore in Pasadena and sit in on an author event. Most of the writers are very interesting. But I just can't help but wonder, how many of these writer's published works will still be read in future years? I think of the great, passionate, American, writer John Dos Passos and who still reads him? A few weeks ago, I was one of only five poeple who attended a writer's event at Vromnan's. I bought his book, out of pity, not out of an interest in reading his book. He was a middle-age, English/Pakistanian man, who wrote a book about being a Muslim man after 911. He boasted about all the book events he attended and seemed more interested in telling us how "you too can be a published writer", than giving any insight into his life. It was shameless self-promotion. When I asked him if he was interested in writing a novel , he said he didn't have the skill to write characters or plot. "Well" I thought,"you may be a writer but you are no author!". But he has a literary agent! The times we live in! Then, I thought, who will be reading this person's book in 20 years; or even next year? Still, this event turned on that little light blub in my head, if this man can made his dream of being a published writer come true; what is keeping me from following my dream? We may be in a Recession, but to take a quote from the Great Depreession from FDR:'There is nothing to fear but fear itself!"

Rest in peace Ray Bradbury & may the force be with you!

Today I learned that Ray Bradbury, passed away. Ray Bradbury was the first Science Fiction writer I was assigned to read in high-school; not only his great first novel ,"Fahrenheit 451" but some of his short stories. He was not just a writer of science fiction but was more a Greek chorus, singing songs of warnings to where he thought our world's technology was leading us. I think that is why my Freshman year English teacher had us read "Fahrenheit 451". For it shows a world where people got their reality from a wall sized, screen TV and the written word is banned! I love the part when the hero, Guy Montag, was no longer able to soar up the fire pole for his mind has been enlighten to logic by reading! His books and short stories, filled my mind with awe, chills, thrills and helped keep me sane through those frustrating years of high school. ' I had the opportunity to see him often at the Comic Con or book signings at Vroman's Bookstore in Pasadena. The last time I saw him, was a little heart-breaking. It was about four years ago, on Halloween day, at Vroman's Bookstore, in Pasadena, California. He was in a wheel chair and he was very weak and you felt he wasn't exactly there. He stuck his tongue out while he signed your books and couldn't hear your words of praises or really see you too well. But it was wonderful to see an American living legend. He was a sweet old man who love candy. One fan gave him a basket full of snack sized candy bars and he was so thrilled over the gift, he grabbed one tiny Snicker candy bar and ate it, like a greedy child who couldn't wait to dive into his Halloween bag of treats. Some of his books, captured American, small town life and gave small town America Goth glamour. He inspired many writers and artists and will be missed. I hope he is giving angels goose bumps with his tales of life on this small planet. Rest in peace Ray !

Between a rock & a hard place

Well; today I did my civic duty and voted but it was with a heavy heart I entered into the polling booth! I just feel deep down in my bones that it makes no difference who or what I voted for! Three & half years agom I voted for a man who promiosed "Hope & Change". Well, there is little change and hope is an idea that brings no comfort. The banks are ranking in the cash, while the money I have in these banks are giving me less than one percent interest on my money. The money they use to grow their business. I feel like taking all my cash out and putting it in my mattress. My job future is less than zero. And the choices I have is to a man who offers little hope & change to a right-wing man who will offer change, but not the the kind of change I want to see! And the band plays on!

Springtime

Can't believe I the last time I blogged it was 2011, then I can't belive it's 2012. Where does time go?