Mother knows best?

Today while shopping at "Trader Joes", I  noticed a mother and daughter picking out breakfast foods, and suddenly the little girl, about the age of four, shouted at her mother;"Show it to me, NOW!" the tone of the child's voice brought a chill down my spine, and I said;" Hey, that's no way to talk to your mother! " That was  no tone to talk to anyone!  If I would have spoken like that to my mother I would had  been slapped from here to next Tuesday! Not that, that I'm saying it's okay to slap a child but still, I would had never had spoken to one of my parents in such a tone.  But when I when turned around the mother was smiling and showing the child the item she demanded to see.  I thought, "Why was this woman rewarding this child for her rude behavior?"  Later in the frozen food section, I saw the same mother and child and the child, shouted the same demand:'Show that to me NOW!" The mother and I locked eyes, and then the mother bend down to her daughter and said to her;"We're in public now, you mustn't speak that way to me." And it's okay in private?  I wasn't  upset at the child, she was just a little girl, this behavior was taught to her.  But I couldn't help but think that teaching your child to speak to another person with no respect was a form of child abuse. If this little girl grows up thinking she has a right to be demanding and demeaning to others, she is going to grow up to be an abusive girlfriend, wife, parent and even an abusive boss.  I had an awfully, cruel female boss, who would love to yell at you;"You are not taught to think!"  She was verbally abusive to her employees and I often wondered if she spoke that way in the office, where she should be on her best behavior, what was she liked when she was at home, where she could let herself go! When I was a little girl, we use to say""Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me!" But when I became a woman and became involved with a verbally abusive man, I learned how hurtful words can be.So mother's teach your children well!

Yoga, yoga, yoga, do

In this cyber age of Face Book boasting, Twitter gloating, and shameless confessional blogging, any action that requires solitary introspection would appear to be out of fashion.  However, isn't the sole purpose of yoga is to lead the yogi / yogini through an inner journey onto the self & its connection with the universe?

Often, on Face Book, a person, requesting to become my "Friend" will pose the question;"What kind of yoga do you practice?"  i take my reply from Patanjali, "Yoga is the settling of the mind into silence."

The asanas of Hatha Yoga are designed to aid the yogi / yogini to condition the physical body through this journey.  I've been practicing yoga for 18 years and I have studied in many studios with many teachers, under many methods and I have found that no matter what style, or studio one practices , yoga is a journey we take alone and can be the opening of a whole new world of awareness but the choice comes from the soul of the yogi / yogini.

The Cure

This afternoon I was watching an old movie on the cable, station TCM and in it, the female lead used the phrased; "Taking the cure" for addressing her drinking problem. Back in the day people said;"Taking the Cure" not "Rehab". Then, like now, mostly the rich, "Took the Cure", as the rich here go to over-priced Rehab Centers in the Malibu hills, with beautiful vistas of the Pacific ocean. The results of success were about the same then as now about 50/50. For "The Cure" & "Rehab" only address the symptom of drinking or other drug abuse, not the reality that that life can be very hard on our hearts, minds, and souls! Often we drink or take drugs as a way to numb ourselves to the pain, confusion, and heartache of life. There are times I feel so over-whelmed with loneliness that I want to crawl out of my skin! But, thank goodness, I don't reach for a drink or drugs to numb the pain but I can understand why people do.  There is no cure or rehab for heartache, we just have to breath and live through it, with prayers and love.

Am I Blue?

Did anyone see  the "60 Minutes" feature, addressing the issue about how many of our  young war veterans are killing themselves after they return to the safety of home?  The story of a young 26 year old ex-veteran, shooting himself in the head due to depression, was just heartbreaking! I wish I could pound into the heads of people what a deadly illness Depression truly is! My lung inflection, that gave me a mild heart-attack and nearly send me to that undiscovered country, was triggered by Depression from the grief over my mother's passing.  If I told my family & friends that I had cancer, they would had reached out to me. But when I told them that I was suffering from Depression, they just ignored me. They must of thought, "Get over it, pulled yourself up by your boot strips" and so on.  But Depression is a real, serious medical condition that shouldn't be ignored and that other people, must address and help their friends and family members out when they show signs or express this condition to them!

Apocalypse Now

 When I tell people that I'm a fan of Science Fiction, often, most think only of Star War, sometimes Star Trek or Comic Book adventures, not realizing the rich literature that addresses the facts that the events of today are shading our future. Last night read the must interesting short story by the Hugo winning author, Maureen McHugh, title "After the Apocalypse". What impressed me with story, was how settled she wrote of the events that brought on her dark apocalyptic future. She wrote of rounding black out and raising gas prices that broke our economy's back.  We are lead to believe that the apocalypse with come riding down on us with the crushing hooves of plague, war, and destruction but I feel that the final days will come to us more settle way. Like Christ stated, "Like a thief in the night." I am witnessing our Middle-Class being destroyed by the greed of the so title One Precent of the rich, sending jobs over- seas, college cost going up so high only the rich can afford  a college education, gas prices keep raising making the cost of everyday items raise up as we won't be able to afford to buy them, banks giving so very low interest rates that  they rob the people of the money they use to get rich on and weather that changes are so extreme  that it causes our farmers to destroy their crops before they have a time to flourish, not to mention my country men fighting in wars in the Middle-East that will never end or be won! If these are not signs of an apocalypse what is?

No time for art...

"The way we miss our lives is life!" Randell Jarrell

The Prednisone the doctor prescribed me for my lung infection has given me back my energy but still they haven't invented the drug that can bring you back extra time!  I've been doing a lot of watercolor sketches of painting I would like to do, but where, oh where , can I find the time to do paintings, when the everyday chores of life get in my way?
I need to go through my piles of paper work for my Income Taxes and there is that dark shadow of a medical bill that hangs over my head like the proverbial Sword of Damocles. If you live in a country that has Government Health-Care, count your blessings!
I have private Health Insurance but still I'm stuck with paying a $3,000.00 deductible! I worked it out with the hospital, so  I can pay this bill  back in monthly payments without Interest but still $3,000.00 is a lot to pay back. When I saw my hospital bill, I almost needed to go back to the hospital for a heart attack! I could have gone to my dream trip to Paris on that three grand!
Life can get in the way of following your dreams. I know a lot of talented friends, actors, actresses, artists, who have put their dreams on hold, or even have completely given up on their dream, so they can handle life.  You know that stuff, like providing a roof over your head and buying food.  I live in Los Angles, so talented people are a dime a dozen; actually, even less than that, a penny a dozen!
When following that dream of art, it's more about luck than talent! It's about who you know, or who your parents are, or just being in the right place at the right time!
I'm not waiting to be discovered, I just want to find the time to paint!

And the winner is.....

 Just have to let this off my chest but I found Mr. Seth McFarlane, at best a sophomoric host of the 85th Academy Awards ceremony; and at worst; he was down right misogynistic! I mean really: singing a song on Prime-Time, to the tune of "Be our guest", a song about seeing A-List Actress's bare breast? What was Disney thinking? They own the network ABC, as well as rights to the song.  And the opening bit, with William Shatner went on far too long! The the whole show went on far too long! It was mind-numbing! I found myself chanting; "Ya Da Ya Da and the winner is"!

Live from L.A.

Home Improvement

"You are perfect the way you are. And... there is still room for improvement." zen master Shannon Suzuki

In this western thinking, United States, when we think of self-improvement, the main issue we think of is weight loss and nothing else!  Weight is a multi-million dollar business, in the States.  Jennifer Hudson, a beautiful, curvy young woman, has made more money, being a spoke model for Jenny Craig, than using her God given gift of a beautiful singing talent! Dr.Oz shows, spends more time with weight loss then any other health issue. While watching commercial network TV, you cannot go through those mind-numbing commercial breaks without having, at lease one major commercial from a weight loss product or weight loss program. Damn America: are we so shallow?  We are more than just our body mass! We are creatures blessed with a heart, mind and soul! Why not work on improving those! Why not work on being better people, not just thinner people!

Riding the wave

Songs have been written about the "Circle of Life" but actually, life doesn't move iu a circle but moves in a spiral, continuously moving in an increased or decreased acceleration. Sometimes you are riding on top of that big wave of life, then there are times you are pulled into a vortex of a waves undertow.  If you don't panic, you can ride that wave safety back to the beach, without much damage.  One reassuring fact of the spiral, is that no matter how low you go it will never be lower then that last spin into darkness you experienced for a spiral always runs upward. Currently, my health seems to be going into a lower spiral, a cough, slight shortness of breath but far from the dire health condition that caused my lungs to almost completely collapsed.  I'm much stronger, I'm back to doing yoga and gaining strength in my body. So this slight set back in health isn't causing me great concern for I feel I can ride this wave back to a safe shore.  So my friends, surfs up!

Best laid schemes o'mice an men

Yesterday, while cleaning out one of my book sacks, I ran into a very old journal I kept while I was a was a naive college student. Reading it was painful! I was still in college, holding my first "real" job, for the company Amtrak.  It was an ideal job for a college student for my hours were 3:30 p.m - 11:30 p.m. , Sunday-Mondays off; these hours allowed me to take morning and afternoon classes. The job however was mind numbing, the dead end for anyone of ambition or with a head full of active brain cells! I was an Information and Reservation Agent, handling non-stop incoming calls from the American public. And believe me, once you have worked with the public, you understand why there are so many bad government leaders.  For  an example, I would answer a call and state  my usual; "Amtrak Reservations and Informant" and I would get an inquiry;"Do you go to Chicago?" "Yes", I would answer,"Where would you be departing from?" And without missing a beat: I would get the answer;"My home." And these people are allowed to vote? It was a frustrating job and many of my co-workers were either pot-smokers or boozers or both. Every shift I worked on there was a group that would go to the parking-lot on break to smoke pot, they used a lot of eye drops. I did get an education in recreational drugs and the power of office gossip. But the greatest lesson I learned was the fact that, no matter what, never get romantically involve with a co-worker. He was a tall nice looking young man, who was a pot-head, as while as a coke head. He is now in upper management with the company.  The company paid for his wife (who also worked at Amtrak) to go to rehab, for drug abuse is no reason for Amtrak to terminate an employee;  only in America! I have no axe to grind with the company or the young man, who broke my heart.  The thing that was painful to read was the fact that I was so broken hearted in the first place. While reading my weepy journal entries, I wanted to shout at the  writer;"Girl; get a life!" I was lucky, that the young man, was wiser than I was, to see we had little in common(one being I wasn't a pot-head or coke head or any other drug of choice in that era) and told me, to take a hike I also felt blessed that I wasn't working for Amtrak. Not that there is anything wrong with the company, they provide a great service, it's just that working for such a major company, I felt like, I was on the road to no where. Not that I had a brilliant career but I love the fact that my resume has so many past job skills and a variety of work experience.  I feel in each job held, I grew as a person, I certainly learned different computer programs and skills,  Oddly enough, it was a blessing being: "Let go" from Amtrak. I was advised, to get a lawyer and get my job back but why would I want to? There was no great career opportunities open for me and my real goal was to get my B.F.A.  and due to the fact that my shifts kept changing, it would have taken me years to finish my college education.  There was a strange feeling of comfort reading that journal, for even though I was going through so much heartache and pain, things worked out better than that young college girl could  imagine. And going through such frustration helped me become a woman.as well as an artist. Thank you my ex-love and Amtrak for  leading me to s different track!

Requiem for a Cosmo Girl

 Monday, the 13th of August, the woman who created the Cosmo Girl, Helen Gurley Brown passed away. I wasn't broken hearted over her passing, She lived a long, productive and successful life, well into her 90s, preaching to women the hedonistic pleasures of the flesh. I found her magazine a bit silly and repetitive; I mean really, now many times can one read about sexual techniques to drive your man wild in bed?  Still, I must give the woman correct for reinventing a magazine and becoming a publishing powerhouse in an era when men dominated  the publishing world!  

Her song wasn't a new one, women have been exploring sexual pleasure for pleasure sake since the Roman Empress Messalina shock the Roman Empire.  But she gave a voice to women who were exploring their sexual freedom during an era that gave them the Pill, allowing women to have sex without the fear of pregnancy,  enjoy sex outside marriage and not only experience sex for the pursuit of pleasure but also to use sex, as Cleopatra did, to gain control and power.

I grew up in an era where my friends, as well as myself , were exploring our own sexuality. But one thing freedom of exploration doesn't protect you from and that is getting hurt. Being wounded in body and soul.  In a Time article. the writer stated that Cosmopolitan magazine helped young women in,"a quest for romantic happiness". Really?  What is "romantic" about an article telling women, how to give "mind blowing" fellatio?

I'm sorry to say, that these days, when men think they can have sex with a woman after  he simply"Likes" her on Facebook, romance has very little to do with it!  

Even during my own days on the Love Front, romantic love rarely entered my life.

Can't blame Ms. Brown for this era of love dysfunction, she just gave it a voice.

I fought the Law

I feel like I just won a "Get out of jail free" card! Today the traffic cop who issued me a ticket didn't show up! Case dismissed and I walk free! As a matter of fact, a lot of the the Traffic Police didn't show up this afternoon. Some stated that these Peace Officers don't like to show up, late on a Friday afternoon. My officer was a very attractive and a young man; so I had a gut feeling he may have better plans than to show up to court on a Friday afternoon, leaving him free to enjoy a long weekend. It was a bogus charge, which is why I decided to fight my ticket. But I learned once, long ago, when I went to Traffic School, is the first thing you do, is remain calm when you get your ticket, don't say a word, then when you get your notice, asked for an extension! Then hope the Peace Officer doesn't show up! It worked for me! Drive safely and keep your eyes pealed for the Man!

Electra sings the Blues

I rarely speak. let alone write, about my journey through mourning over my mother's death, for this is a nation, where our mantra is, "Move on with your life". It has been almost two years since my mother's death and I still feel a little numb with life, let alone moving on. Not that I just stay at home watching Reality TV all day. I been doing that great job search;and thanks to this Great Recession, I have been given more frustration and road blocks in my journey through mourning. Ironically, the years of being my mother's care-giver, I felt empowered and in control of my life. Now,I feel my life is being blown like a leaf in a hurricane. But, I realize I am not alone in this Titanic Recession and there is not enough life-boats of jobs to save a sinking crew. So,I still count my blessings and keep in touch with the outside world. But there are days, weeks, I want to entomb myself like Electra and forget the outside world. So, to venture out from the comfort of my humble home, I get on the 605 freeway to the 210 to Vroman's Bookstore in Pasadena and sit in on an author event. Most of the writers are very interesting. But I just can't help but wonder, how many of these writer's published works will still be read in future years? I think of the great, passionate, American, writer John Dos Passos and who still reads him? A few weeks ago, I was one of only five poeple who attended a writer's event at Vromnan's. I bought his book, out of pity, not out of an interest in reading his book. He was a middle-age, English/Pakistanian man, who wrote a book about being a Muslim man after 911. He boasted about all the book events he attended and seemed more interested in telling us how "you too can be a published writer", than giving any insight into his life. It was shameless self-promotion. When I asked him if he was interested in writing a novel , he said he didn't have the skill to write characters or plot. "Well" I thought,"you may be a writer but you are no author!". But he has a literary agent! The times we live in! Then, I thought, who will be reading this person's book in 20 years; or even next year? Still, this event turned on that little light blub in my head, if this man can made his dream of being a published writer come true; what is keeping me from following my dream? We may be in a Recession, but to take a quote from the Great Depreession from FDR:'There is nothing to fear but fear itself!"

Rest in peace Ray Bradbury & may the force be with you!

Today I learned that Ray Bradbury, passed away. Ray Bradbury was the first Science Fiction writer I was assigned to read in high-school; not only his great first novel ,"Fahrenheit 451" but some of his short stories. He was not just a writer of science fiction but was more a Greek chorus, singing songs of warnings to where he thought our world's technology was leading us. I think that is why my Freshman year English teacher had us read "Fahrenheit 451". For it shows a world where people got their reality from a wall sized, screen TV and the written word is banned! I love the part when the hero, Guy Montag, was no longer able to soar up the fire pole for his mind has been enlighten to logic by reading! His books and short stories, filled my mind with awe, chills, thrills and helped keep me sane through those frustrating years of high school. ' I had the opportunity to see him often at the Comic Con or book signings at Vroman's Bookstore in Pasadena. The last time I saw him, was a little heart-breaking. It was about four years ago, on Halloween day, at Vroman's Bookstore, in Pasadena, California. He was in a wheel chair and he was very weak and you felt he wasn't exactly there. He stuck his tongue out while he signed your books and couldn't hear your words of praises or really see you too well. But it was wonderful to see an American living legend. He was a sweet old man who love candy. One fan gave him a basket full of snack sized candy bars and he was so thrilled over the gift, he grabbed one tiny Snicker candy bar and ate it, like a greedy child who couldn't wait to dive into his Halloween bag of treats. Some of his books, captured American, small town life and gave small town America Goth glamour. He inspired many writers and artists and will be missed. I hope he is giving angels goose bumps with his tales of life on this small planet. Rest in peace Ray !

Between a rock & a hard place

Well; today I did my civic duty and voted but it was with a heavy heart I entered into the polling booth! I just feel deep down in my bones that it makes no difference who or what I voted for! Three & half years agom I voted for a man who promiosed "Hope & Change". Well, there is little change and hope is an idea that brings no comfort. The banks are ranking in the cash, while the money I have in these banks are giving me less than one percent interest on my money. The money they use to grow their business. I feel like taking all my cash out and putting it in my mattress. My job future is less than zero. And the choices I have is to a man who offers little hope & change to a right-wing man who will offer change, but not the the kind of change I want to see! And the band plays on!

Springtime

Can't believe I the last time I blogged it was 2011, then I can't belive it's 2012. Where does time go?

"Try never get drunk outside your own house." Jack Keronac

This is a no brainer. One factor, no one should hit the road after having a few but the cost of buying a few cocktails has gone up so high that you need to take out a loan to get a good buzz on at a bar these days! Even at a dive bar, a martini can be as high as $10 a drink, at most bars in LA it's up to $12! There has always been a 100% mark up on liquor but these days I think it has gone up to 150%! Damn! For the cost of three drinks I can buy a full 1.75 liter bottle of fine booze for the same cost and I can make my drinks stringer!

There is a classic 1940 movie titled
The Lost Weekend" where a man with a major drinking problem take $10 and with that he buys five drinks at a bar and buys two bottles of booze! Now that was the good old days!

So here to mixing your own and cheers!

"What we have here, is a lack of communication"

"Submission to everything, open, listening" - Jack Keronac

I once heard a New Age female preacher state, that listening is one of the greatest act of love. There is so much truth in that statement, for how often have you been fighting with a love one and you found yourself shouting at them:"You're not listening to me!" ?

Why do you think people are so willing to dish out $100 dollars an hour to an therapist, just so they can talk to a person , who will just sit back an LISTEN!

One of the most frustrating things a person can do to me, that makes me want to stick a fork in their neck, is to cut me off before I finish a sentence, so they can jump in with their opinion! It's maddening!

The art of listening is also a sign of great intelligence! Any fool can have an opinion but an intelligent person, sits back, observes and listens!

Last night, while having dinner with my friend Steve, at a little cafe in Old Towne Pasadena, there was a very young,attractive, Japanese couple sitting next to us. It was Friday night, Date Night, but these two young people were more involved with their Smart Phones than they were with each other! She was on her Face Book page-heaven only knows what she was texting on it, and he was playing some game on his Apple IPhone! They spoke only a few words to each other, even when their food arrived they barely spoke a word to each other!

I turned to my friend and said:"If they are so involved with their cell phones now, when they are young and in love, can you imagine what they are going to be like 20 years from now, when the mystery of love has faded and they are all too familiar with each other? Most women don't bitch about being neglected until two years after marriage. But the norm of ignoring one another has already been set! What is the bridge that brings these two lovely people together? Sex? And after sex, do they pick up their Smart Phones and text about it?

Has this new technology taken away the art of true communication?

"Winter is coming"

Anyone who is a fan of "The Game of Thrones" will get that jest. Summer is just a few days away from ending and with it begins my favorite season of the year, Autumn! I love Fall, the period of harvest and weather change, shorter days and cooler nights. Indian Summer with it's hot afternoons and it cold evenings But most of all, I love the brilliant colors of the season. Even in California we have some trees that leaves change color of bright orange, deep red and dark browns.

I find myself harvesting memories of my departed, beloved mother and the beautiful road trips we would take up the coast, as soon as the long Labor Day weekend had passed.

Now I must also, harvest ideas for my new life alone and harvest the dreams of my past and plan seeds of a new future. I once heard on the Rosie O'Donnell Show, that sometimes we should treat our lives like a school year, give ourselves a goal and give ourself the time a school year takes to reach that goal.

So, I enter a new school year for my life and put into action becoming the woman my dearly departed parents would be proud of!

Greeting from the edge

Just when I thought all the dust of disorder has began to settle down and I can move on with my life, another monkey wrench of fate has been thrown into the works and my life falls into a vortex of confusion. After our last storm system, I noticed that my roof was showing signs of leaks! Rats! So for the pass few weeks contractors have been by giving me their song and dance and giving me quotes on the estimated cost on installing a new roof. Price quote went from OMG to WTF! The big end construction companies quoted over ten grand!!!! Do they think, I'm made out of money! And I live in a very humble, one story, three bedroom house! What are the cost for the big, two story mansions in Southern California? I feel emotionally exhausted from listening to these contractor give me their facts and figures as if I'm been interviewed by a vampire! This is not the time to give up drinking!

Don't know how I'm going to come up with the cash but I do have a CD that is due to mature. Damn, this house has become a money pit! But, I really shouldn't complain. When I see the images from Japan, i grateful I have a roof over my head, even if it has leaks! It's not just the earthquake but damn; the destruction of that tsunami! My heart went out to they.

This Sunday my friend Steve and I went to Little Tokyo in downtown Los Angeles and there was a group of kids collecting for the earthquake relief and of course Steve and I just had to make a donation. But really, I can't image what those poor people are going through; even with those nightmare photo; those people lost everything!

So who am I to complain over paying for the replacement for a roof!My prayer are with you in Japan!