The best laid schemes of mice and men...

I had such grand plans for this past weekend. There was a Art Walk in downtown Los Angeles, there was the L.A. Times Festival of Book in Westwood and I even plan to visit a gallery showing the work of Cat Mihos but Mother Nature had other plans and stated ;"Not so fast Miss Thing; you're going no where!!!!"

The physical trauma from the car accident told another turn. This time on my female cycle! For three days I suffer the period from Hell!!!!! My bleeding was so heavy that I had to change my tampon every half hour and I bled through that so I also needed a pad! Disgusting! Glad no one reads this!

I managed to go to yoga class on Saturday but instead of doing the Art Walk, I went to my favorite Sports Bar in South Pasadena to watch the Red Sox and Yankee game. It was fun seeing the old gang again. One of the guys was in a festive mood and bought every one there a row of drinks. He got himself a mail order bride from the Phillipines. All I could think was; that poor girl! Does she know what she's getting herself into? The Bible states what good is it for a man to sell his soul for all the riches in the world - but for a Green Card? The guy is - well how can I say this without sounding too cruel, a bit of a dork. Okay a real dork. He doesn't have a car how can you live in this town without a car? Very short, a little heavy around the waist in his late forties, not attractive, bald and not the smartest guy. I mean he's nice but ............... it's diffucult to hold a conversation with him even on sports! He was always complaining how shallow American women are and he stated how he was considering getting a mail order wife from the Phillipines. But feel that this poor girl can't possibly love this guy, she doesn't even know him! I think people should ONLY marry for love. Life and relationships are hard enough; love and great sex helps so through the rough stuff.

It's odd, but this is the third guy I know at that Sport-bar that has gotten a mail-order wife. The first was the sweet late GasMan. That was a marriage in name only, he lived in Alhambra and she lived with her family in Mabilu! He was always carrying a bag full of cash, for he didn't want to put it in a bank because his ex-wife might get it. He was just weeks away from retiring when he died suddenly and that purse stuff with cash no where to be found and I'm been told he and his ex-wife bought property in Tailand. Interesting.

Then there is an old guy in his sixties that was given the handle Monsignor, don't know how he got that handle, except he was one very loud, bar know-it-all. He married a Tailand mail order wife went to Tailand to get his wife and buy some property and hasn't been seen since! One guy said last he heard he bought a lot of property out there on some some island is probably running the place. I like that idea, like Lord Jim. From male nusre to Emperor Jones.

Still, is this American Dream worth selling yourself into a loveless marriage? Or are these women being Machiavellian; marry this old geezers, wait till he dies and live like a Queen in a Third World Country?

Well, I may died a spinster but I'm too much of a Romantic for that nightmare! Marrying these guys - as sweet as they are, is like sleeping with the crypt keeper!

Getting to know you, getting to know all about you...

One reason I love about doing my yoga practice in Larchmont Village in the heart of West Hollywood is that it has a small town feeling about it. I see the same faces and a lot smile at me and know my name, like Cheers.

I prefer Peets Coffee & Tea because they play classical music, have a better outdoor seating section and I see familar and freindly faces everyday when I walk in there. Most are working on their laptops, writing that screenplay. There is one young man I knew wasn't writing a screenplay but wasn't exactly certain. We only exchange friendly hello and smiles but nothing more. Today he was sitting in a different section and I smiled at him and asked him why he change his seating arrangment. He said the Ac was turned up too high and he could take the cold blast. Then I asked him what he was writing and he stated a Fantasy Novel/Self Help book.

He spoke very eloquently (almost too acedemically). It sounded like a very ambitious project, almost herculean! But I wish him the best of luck. I was uncertain who was his target audience. I wished him the best of luck. Hope he will not only complete his novel but the will sell it. Who knows.

Today was rather rough. This auto accident has done something to my body.and my hormones. I've started a heavy flow a cycle so strong that I have to change my tampon twice an hour and I bleed though it. I hope it lighten ups soon.

Well, at least I was able to do a good yoga practice today.

Mother you are growing older....

They say the mind is the first to go but that is not true. At least not always. My mother's mind is slipping but that is due to the constant pain she's under. The medication she is under subsides the pain but never completely stops it. Today she was under great apin so her mind could not focus on much else.

Today she asked me to take her to World Saving bank where she has one of her many money market account to have the interest transfer monthly into one of our checking accounts. But when we got to the bank and the young man asked her wnat she wanted she at first couldn't express her request and I had to speak for her.

It's so painful to witness this break down of such a strong woman. Growing old is so cruel! The body can be so weak.

I wish I could enlighten everyone to take care of their body and keep it strong for the body and mind is one.

This month when I was so weak and in pain due to my auto accident I knew the pain and confusion my mother is under!

If ever so humble

It's so wonderful being home and being able to sleep in my own bed among my books, art work and pets. Being in the hospital was beyound surreal! I was told due to the anaesthia I should be ambulatory so I walked up and down the long hall ways of the hospital. While walking around I smelled cheese burgers and then heard a woman bark at her children for being the wrong McDonald's value meal. Now this is just a guess, but if you're in the hospital isn't it best to reframed from eating fast food?

It's also always so nosiy. And I had my own room and even with the door closed I hear the sounds of TV's, chatters, machines and people walking up and down the halls. One afternoon these alarms went off. What's that I asked the nurse for all our doors automatically shut. Oh, that's just a fire alarm. "Fire alarm? Should I being moving out of this bed?" I asked. "No, " stated the nurse, "Just stay in your room!"
Oh really: I'm just to sit here like a sitting duck waiting to be engulfed in flames? Then I figured it was a Code Blue and they don't want people getting in the way of the crews rushing to the aide the person in need. Still, they could tell you the truth!

Well, it's great to be home!

Breaking the prime directive....

Okay, I know, my doctor told me NOT to bring my laptop while I'm at the hospital, but my gal pal Christine knew I would go out of my bloodly mind if I have just network TV and knitting to keep me company! So this morning she brought it in , along with my mom to visit as well as my pet Guinea Pig Loki. She smuggle in Loki in her purse, then if you saw the size of Christine's purse she could smuggle in an Irish Setter!

I can't believe now much seeing that cute little critter face brighten my day!

Last night they ran the scope down my neck. I thought they would wait until this morning but due to the fact I hadn't eaten all day Friday and because it was a case of internal bleeding they had to run the test a.s.a.p. Now, I feel like I swallowed a baseball bat! My throat is so raw! This morning at 6:00 a.m. I was given my transfusion. Due to the medication I was on for my whiplash it inflamed an ulcer! I was finally given food at 11:00 a.m. and never knew such bland food could taste so good!

I was hoping my doctor would release me today but he wants to hold me her for one more day for OBSERVATION! Observe this! This place is so noisy! It's impossible to sleep!

While at least there is a Red Sox game and my laptop to keep me entertained. And I have my CD of "Fragile Things" to listen to while I knit.

I JUST WANT TO GO HOME!!!

Interview with a vampire...

Still feeling dizzy and weak I went to the doctor this morning and he thinks I have internal bleeding. Great! So this afternoon I off to the hospital to have a scope put down my thoart, at least I'm reassured that I will be put out so I won't feel the pain of having a scope push down my thoart. I was informed by my doctor not to take my laptop, books or drawing pads, "I want you to rest!"stated the doctor as he garb my shoulders;"You're killing yourslef and you're not going to die on my watch!" Then he hug me and lightly kissed the top of my forehead. So I'm taking a walkman CD player, CD box set of Neil Gaiman's book "Fragile Things" to listen too and my knitting because I won't be able to relax watching network TV! Besides I find Mr. Gaiman's voice very soothing and relaxing, like having my very own story teller beside me to put me to sleep.
I'm told that after the processor (even if a transfusion is necessary) I should be released by Sunday. I hope it's nothing major. Well, at least the hospital is only ten minutes away from home.

Great hospital food , although I'm been put on a fast and have been made to drink a drink that has made my bowels as loose as a goose.

Right; I'm must pack my stuff and be off. A nieghbor is driving me and my mom to the hospital, which is great, she'll take her home and to dinner as well.

I know I'll be just fine!

Do as I say & not as I do...

Do to this pain case of whiplash I had to depend on the WORD to lead my students on there yoga practice this afternoon. I can't even lower my head for downdog! I never realized how much we yoga teachers depend on teh visual. But the class was only full of teenagers so I was able to lead them through a flow practice and crank up the rock music which made them as happy as calms on high tide.

Still feeling very weak and dizzy. No sooner am I'm up and about that I feel like going back into bed and sleep away in the daylight hours like a vampire or my hamster Door.

The last word

Death where is thy sting?

Today I took my mother to the doctor. She's been feeling very weak lately and her pain has increased. While waiting in that tiny room they put you in, waiting for the doctor to enter , both mom & I fell asleep. I'm exhuasted from my pain and meds and mom exhausted from her pain and meds. When the doctor walked into the room he was rather shocked to see us both dosing away. Seeing these thin, fragile people so ill, shrunken to half of what they were in their youth made me realize how cruel aging can be. One thing that got me into yoga were the inspiring teachers like Frank White (who was 65 before he took his first yoga class) who was in his 70's when I took his class and was tall, strong and gave me the hardest yoga class I ever had! I remember one yoga teacher say "You're a young as your spine." and I believe him! Keep that spin strong and flexible!

Needles and pins, needles and pins...

For the past two days I've been cursed with the same dull headache that I just can't get rid of! I went to the doctor and he stated there is a swelling at the base of my neck due to my auto accident. So I went to the acupuncture school and got needles stuck into the base of my skull. They did relieve the pressure but still have this dull headache and feel weak, dizzy. Maybe I'll feel better after a good night sleep , my car is in the shop. I need a good night sleep.

Instant carma

Damn, I do believe I have a case of whiplash! I feel light headed, weak, dizzy and have a major case of nausea. Don't know how I'm going to cook dinner tonight.
My poor car looks awful , shit it's not even a year old! The silly cow who plowed into me on the 101 Hollywood freeway really hit me hard! And the headache is only beginning, going to talk to the insurance adjustor.

The night they invented champagne

Pop open a bottle of Moet my taxes are done! The headaches of a trust fund Princess! Still, maybe next year I won't have to do go through this headache because I'll be cozy in my own crypt space on the hill side of Rose Hills. Don't regret my decision at all, I can't do it alone or want to. Besides my favorite living writer's favorite cause C.B.L.D.F. is going to be in for some major cash!

Speaking of death Kurt Vonnegut died today. What a great loss! Loved his books and a truly orginal voice and talent.

My new afterschool yoga class starts tomorrow! Due to popular demand the local studio I teach at has given me another class. Like teaching in this small studio but know I should get my re-cert from the Yoga Works Inc. love taking classes at Center for Yoga but don't know if I'll want to teach there.

Right; now it's time for champagne!

On a clear day take a look around you...

What a glorious day! The cold winds have cleared the skies making you be able to see for miles and miles! Went by to visit my father's crypt at Rose Hills. It's on the side of a hill and the view was just beautiful! I could see the Holywood sign the tall building of downtown L.A. and beyound! Just gorgeous!

When I worked for the City - the evil empire - I used to hate windy days for it meant me driving around like a person possessed from one tree down site to the next. Sending dispatches , writing reports and inspecting the damage. It would always be a stressful day.

Now, I love the wind and rain! Bring it on!

Still, feeling the shadow of death haunting me but it's a lovely day to be alive!

Now back to the taxes part of the day! The fun never ends.

Dream a little dream for me

Last night I had a stressful dream. I dreamt I was taking a class at Rio Hondo College, the campus is behind Rose Hills Cemetery. I dreamt I was having a sexual affair with the class room instructor (a very much older rather unattractive man with gray hair beard not my type), he took me to an underground borough for our sexual tryst (what were we groundhogs?) it wasn't until I entered the borough I realized I was in my own grave.

I'm been haunted by dark thoughts of death lately. My mom's failing heatlh, my fear of being alone without a reason to live is doing a number on me.

This afternoon after class I went up to the Buddhist pagoda temple atop Rose Hills to meditate on a path to right action. The place is magical with a gaint Golden Buddha in the center of the temple. I always feel peaceful going there. Next to the Greek Orthox Church in Alhambra that is my favorite place to pray. There is a painting of a gorgeous Holy Mother veiled in blue with a gold star and a child Christ in her arms on the the dome's ceiling that is just breathtaking!

I felt better but then went home to do income taxes and now feel stress again.

Death and taxes!

Bit by bit putting it together

Even in the touchy, feely, new age world of yoga one must deal with the pain in the ass reality of a job evaluation! Today one of my favorite yoga teachers JM had his class evaluated. I recognized the evaluator from many a workshop flyer and from some photos in Yoga Jounral. She was certainly busy writting away while class was going on. JM was usually precise and concise with his words while leading us through our poses. He seem a little nervous aware that he was being reveiwed. But his class was wonderful as usual. I love his class because of the workout and the flow.

It's not easy teaching yoga. Even though it appears that every person who steps into a yoga studio thinks they can teach it. The yoga teacher's training sessions are always packed and yoga studios seem to becoming teachers mill. But to be a good teacher one most study more than just the poses and not just depend on a teacher's training session. One reason I greatly respect and admire Iyengar teachers is the fact that it takes up to four years to get your Level 1 certifcation. Yoga is more than just poses.

The pleasant peasant

Sometimes we must get down on our knees and work like a peasant. To help deal with my stress and worry, I decided to get down on my hands and knees and wash the kitchen floors. Rather relaxing work really and the floor knows looks so shiny. Even a Princess should know how to cook and clean.

Also, went to the market and seeing that Vons had turkies on sale for 50% off I had to buy one. If you can have Christmas in July, why not have Thanksgiving in April. It's cooking now and the house smells lovely! It will also help me with meal planning I can cook up a ton of feasts with the leftovers. Today though it's going to be traditional fare, stuffing, fresh cranbbries, the whole 9 yards.

A great break from number crunching.

Night Shift

Last night was rather rough on Mom. She twisted her back before she went to bed, so I gave her a rub down with China Gel and made certain to place a pillow under her knees. At 2:30 a.m. she woke up by throwing up her meds, at least she made it to her bathroom, so I remake her bed and put her back to bed and kept my ears open throughout the remainder of the wee hours of the morning. Awoke with cramps and diarrhea (glad no one reads this). Stress and worry, I hope she is not suffering from internal bleeding again! She on so many meds and that is so rough on her system. Cooked her a real bland breakfast, poached eggs on toast and a banana and herbal tea. I feel exhausted!

Oh, then there is the taxes to work on. The fun never ends.

Take me out to the ball game

What a difference a day makes. Yesterday it was cold, gray and wet, today there was sunshine and a cool breeze taking the bite off the heat of the afternoon sunshine.

Went to the Dodger's opening day. It's a beautiful ball park and while sitting in my box seat behind homeplate, Dodger Dogin one hand and a beer in the other hand, looking at the clear view of the breathtaking mountain range on the horizon, I couldn't help but think, "Life doesn't get much better than this!" Sipping beer with my buds , watching a baseball game and basting in the sun like a lizard on a rock, sheer bliss!

Moses supposes his toes are roses...

Last night for Passover Channel 7 aired the classic DeMille movie "The Ten Commandments". A fun movie to watch, even though Mr. DeMille takes a lot of liberties with the Old Testament version but still that's Hollywood! I recalled while reading Mr. C. Heston's journals, he wrote that one day after shooting the big orgy scene that after retake and retake one of the extras went up to Mr. DeMille and said;"Who do I have to f--- to get out of this movie!"

And today on Turner Classic Movies they're showing the classic movie "Easter Parade" , God bless Ted Turner! What will Easter be without that delightful movie, even though it has nothing to do with Easter.

This morning I went to Center for Yoga to take a class with Miss Amy. She's a wonderful teacher but her class can be hard as nails! We did a lot of wall work , such as Eagle pose with your hips against the wall, works wonders for your hip alignment but a killer on your knees. We did a lot poses using the wall and a lot of twist poses. Which was great for my female cramps. At first I thought I wasn't going to make it to class due to my cycle cramps were so intense! My doctor took me off the pill (I 'm not on it for birth control for because of an auto accident I can't have children) I was on the pill to regulate my cycle but he said too many hormones may not be good for me. But damn; my cycles are all wacky and for the first time in ages I have these killer cramps. Well, at least the twist poses helped.

Such strange weather we're having this Easter, usually it's sunny and bright in Southern California on Easter Sunday, but today it's gray and cold and just wet enough to make me regret washing my car last week! I went to the Farmers' Market across the street from the yoga studio and bought an arm full of rich, dark blue Irises and baskets of large, juciy stawberries (I'm going to dip them in dark chocolate). Tonight I serving mom and I grilled lamp chops (with a rosemary rub), wild rice stuff tomatoes and lemon buttered asparagus and chocolate dipped strawberries with champagne for dessert.

Right, now I must go out and pick the Rosemary and lemons in my backyard.

Behold the lilies of the field

"Behold the lilies of the field they toil not nor do they spin but even Solomon was never dressed like them.."

Since childhood I've often heard this quote and often wondered what Christ was talking about. Was he telling us not to work? It wasn't until I started to study yoga that I understood how profound this statement is. In this western world we judge others as well as our own life by external reality. What we do for a living, where we live, what kind of car we drive, now we look, our age, some women in this town even judge me by what purse I have and what shoes I wear. All this really doesn't reveal who I truly am, that perfect soul, that spark of the divine, that element of being that joins me with the divine as well as all living beings. To truly stop those judgemental voices, of others as well as myself is a constant task I practice each day. To love others as well as myself each day. The word "namaste" is Sanskrit for the divine in me see and bows to the divine in you.
If this is ever read by another or just me musing to myself I bow down and say "Namaste".